Friday 26 February 2016

Message from a warm heart.


·        I wasn’t looking when the leaves started to shed, I wasn’t looking when the day started to break. All these beautiful things happen when we aren’t looking, we only pass by and see them or better still we wake up to them.
Beautiful things happen when we don’t expect them, they sneak up on us and to me they are the most amazing and most cherished; why because we aren’t expecting them. The most amazing things happen when you’re not looking, when you’re not crying about them, when you’re not worried about them.
Life is a mystery and we can’t explain it, all we have to do is grab a chair and some popcorn and embrace whatever that comes. Difficult situations are easier to deal with when they are embraced, embrace them, before figuring out a way to handle them. Fighting and trying to resist them as soon as they show up only creates room for anxiety and exhaustion. Choose your battles wisely and learn to express yourself as much as you can. Misunderstanding is an outcome of Miscommunication; people cant read your mind, the easiest way to get over things is to talk about them. If you love someone, show them you love them; you don’t expect them to feel what you don’t show. If you want something, go for it, don’t substitute them for what’s available, if you do, soon you will go back to looking; because some how we all want what we want. I know we all are selfish, but if it were about you; you would have less than you do; help someone who needs what you have. Dream big, because as far as I know, it’s costs less than a dollar.
Finally, there are so many aircrafts in the sky at the same time and yet they never collide; the sky is big enough, so are ideas, opportunities and people-  We don’t have to fight over them.

“You cannot love a God you cannot see when you can’t love the people that you can see” – Td Jakes


Have a great weekend………..

Friday 12 February 2016

All shades of Valentine; you’re not alone.



So am seating at the Airport waiting to catch my flight to Maryland to spend Valentine weekend with my girlfriend and her family. Valentine’s Day coincides with her wedding anniversary and there couldn’t have been a better time to visit her.

The month of February on its own excites me and this has been mainly because of Valentines Day, a day of celebration of love and affection. Valentine’s Day is full of excitement, surprises and gifts for some, and for some it’s what I call “Reality Check Day”; a reminder that they are still single and searching and then finally for some its a day they realize that they have been single all the while but they just didn’t know it.

I call it “All shades of Valentine”; because of all the possible outcomes of that day, only a few people have experienced all 3 shades; the good, the bad and the ugly.
Most people think they have to spend Valentine’s Day with someone they are romantically involved with, and when they can’t seem to find such people in their lives, it causes them to feel lonely and hurt because of the need for Love and Belonging. Valentines day is a day to show continuos Love and affection to someone or people you Love and care about. 

·       My “All Shades of Valentine”.

Valentine’s 2006; this shade is the one I call the Bad. So I was dating a guy who was 10 years older than me at that time. I can’t remember how old I was; of cos I remember how old I was, I was pretty young. I was in my second year at the University and for some reason best know to my lecturer he decided to schedule a quiz on that day; Wait! what? Oh you heard me right; I had a quiz on Val’s day. I said to myself “ That man must be single, so I thought. At that time "Bae" was in another city and it would take probably and 1hr 30 mins to get there. Unfortunately my quiz was scheduled for 5pm and there was no way I was going to make it. Who on earth schedules a quiz on a valentines day at “5PM”. Prior to valentines day, I was restless and confused, I didn’t know how to tell my insecure overly possessive boyfriend that I won’t be able to make it for Valentines day. There was no way he was going to believe me, we already had trust issues and that one was going to break the camel’s back. So finally I summoned courage picked up my phone and called him and told him the situation and what did I get? Exactly what I expected. In his words ‘” I know your looking for an excuse to spend Valentine’s Day with your school boyfriend” Wow. I was confused; he was my first so I was loyal. So Valentine’s Day came, we did all we could to persuade the Lecturer to have the quiz earlier but that fell on deaf ears. He wasn’t having any of what we had to say and the quiz still held on Valentines Day at 5pm, the only thing that did happen was that I didn’t write the quiz. Yes, I didn’t, you heard me right…Relationship goals. That was a very stupid thing to do but yes it happened. I didn’t fail the course but I just didn’t get a good grade.

My Thoughts

Some of us have had to make personal sacrifices in the name of Love, I hate to use that word because am still yet to fully understand it, but sacrifices shouldn’t be made at the expense of what is genuinely good for you, for your health, for your career and most importantly for your spiritual life. Relationships should increase you and not deplete you, if it does deplete you; that’s a red flag there and you need to step back and think of what it is you really want from a relationship. To all those who have found them selves in a tight situation before, having to choose between what is good for you and what your man wants. You are not alone. Always remember to “DO IT FOR YOURSELF”

Valentine’s 2008, I choose to call this one the Ugly because trust me it was really Ugly. So my first relationship became really unhealthy because of the absence of trust so we broke up. That was when I met this guy, the first time I saw him, I said to myself, he has to be the ONE…lol, but I was wrong. He was a smooth talker and very romantic. He was in his last year at the university at that time. We met sometime in December 2007 and finally started dating, it happened so fast that I didn’t have time to think about it.
At the time this happened, I didn’t think it was ugly. Fast-forward how many years after I realized how ugly it was. So on February 13th 2008 I left school to be able to spend time with this guy. I made sure I was done with everything I had to do in school and luckily for me there was no quiz on that day… Thank Goodness. I got to Enugu and decided to stay over at my best friends for the night and go shopping with her for valentine, which we did. I was very excited about this guy, because like I said earlier I thought he was the ONE….lol.
February 14th 2008, I woke up that morning with so much joy and energy, full of life and very enthusiastic about what the day held for me. Until I got a call that morning from my Dad, that he was coming to see me in School…. Seriously!

As I was on that call I felt my heart beat faster than normal, I had the adrenaline rush. I went blank for a few minutes after that call, thinking of what to do. I got up, put on my clothes and headed back to school. I didn’t have a choice my Dad was coming. I was really scared, praying he doesn’t get there before me. He actually did get there before me but I made excuses until I got there as well. I saw him; we talked for a few hours before he left. I headed back as soon as he left. It was quite a journey to and fro from school. Wow the struggle…thinking about it, was it really worth; no it wasn’t. But that wasn’t the ugly part.

Finally got back, tired and very cranky from the journey. I called my boyfriend and guess what he wasn’t picking his call, am sure your laughing right now; but guess what it wasn’t funny when I was putting those calls through. He didn’t take my calls till 11pm that day. Am not going to sugar coat this but I was devastated, hurt and very sad. After all the sacrifices I had made to spend time with him. He had his friend call me between those hours to tell me he was working on his project that was due in a few hours and all those kind of lies; you know those kinds of lies. Oh well! he shows up at 11:30 pm with a cake, a bag and a rose. Like that was supposed to make me feel better. We went on a dinner date that night, but on that date I knew that was the end, I made up my mind it was the last time I would see him as his side girlfriend or what ever you guys call it. The relationship ended even before it started.

My Thoughts

If you ever found out you were the side chick on Valentines Day; you’re not alone. These things happen and you don’t have to beat yourself up about it or dwell on how stupid your were. Nobody is perfect and sometimes love can make you do stupid things. You win some; you loose some, dust it off and move on. Love is grounded in vulnerability and tenderness, so its completely Ok when we get caught up in the vulnerability, what is not Ok is staying right there like a couch potato; KNOW WHEN ITS TIME TO LEAVE.


Valentine’s 2009; So in June 2008, I met this guy. In one word AMAZING! He was different from all the other guys I had been with previously. He didn’t try to play the angel role or smooth talk me, he was just himself and we were cool. The best thing about him was he made me love myself more than I ever did at that time. With him I embraced my flaws and insecurities because in his words “ That’s what makes you who you are”. I can go on and on about him but am not here to talk about him but my Valentine experience. This one I call the GOOD because it was amazing, memorable and we had a few more together after that.
He planned a get away trip for us to Dubai. It was my first time to Dubai and I was very excited…. please don’t judge me.. I was really excited. I was in my final year at the University, I made sure I was in good standing with my course work and project so there was no way I wasn’t going to go on that trip. This particular one was a little bit more than I expected, from jeopardizing my studies because of an insecure guy, to being a side chick and then this....Wow, it was a major make up for me.  So we left on the 13th night and arrived the next day, so basically spent the 14th trying to settle in and all that kind of stuff. I came down with a fever same day but I managed to put on my little black dress and headed out for the most romantic dinner he had arranged that day. After my previous Valentine experience (the bad & the ugly), I certainly deserved better. I was happy because indeed after the rain came sunshine, a lot of surprises and gifts happened on that trip but I won’t go into that. We were there for about a week and you bet I had a very good time.

My Thoughts

Do not dwell on the pain and the hurt of the past. Be sure God saves the best for the last. I am certain there are more good people than bad people in the world. Am not saying there were no times with him that I just wanted to rip my hair off, am not saying it was rosy all the way. I am saying in life we are going to have a little bit of good and bad experiences. Hold it together when it bad and explore and enjoy it when its good. People don’t like to talk about what they have been through which is Ok, a sneak peak into the behind the scene of their lives will convince you…YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

WISHING YOU THE BEST SHADE OF VALENTINE!



Sunday 17 January 2016

Loving yourself is not Selfish; Its Sanity........



You have to love yourself, this is obvious right; I know, who doesn't. I don't mean love "YOU" because I know you already do. You wouldn't jump out a moving car, run a red light or knowingly eat something your allergic to because of cos you love "YOU". Loving yourself means loving every bit of yourself, like love the way you smile, the way you walk, your dress sense, your height, I mean love the way you look. Once a friend confided in me she has low self-esteem, we would take tons of pictures together and never upload one because of her insecurities and how she thinks her face looks. Me being the kind of girl who can ask a stranger for a stick of cigarette at the bus station found this very weird. But the truth is I was never that confident. I spent the whole of my teen age thinking my legs were the worst and I never wore a dress during those years. When I clocked twenty I met this guy who was the first person ever to say something nice about them, initially I thought he was just messing with me or maybe he was but at least he kept messing with me the whole time and I finally got comfortable and crawled out of my closet. Once I started being comfortable about my legs, everybody else started saying something nice about them.
Loving your physical natural attributes are things you should never compromise because If they were any different you would have been somebody else. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and nobody has the right to make you think or feel otherwise.

Loving yourself is loving who you truly are and getting interested in yourself. We all have things we love to do, things that come to us naturally. Those are the kind of things am talking about. The likes of Oprah Winfrey, Tuface Idibia are making money out of being who they truly are. You can make a living from something that comes to you naturally or maybe not. But you have to love yourself enough to explore that part of you whether it makes you a living or not. Anything that comes to you naturally is a gift from God, if you find a way of making money out of it that’s wonderful but if you don’t, enjoy the pleasure of doing something that comes to you without stress or pain and have fun while doing it.  I write because it comes naturally to me and no matter what happens am happy am creating something and of cos having fun while I do it.

Being confident in your relationship is part of loving yourself. This reduces the chances of feeling and being insecure. Insecurity is an effect of zero confidence and this causes people to love themselves less because it makes you feel not good enough. You are the best thing since sliced bread and you have to feel that way so that it makes it easy for people to love you.

Loving yourself is being around people who love you. This is not selfish trust me, its called sanity because you have to look out for yourself. You can’t go wrong with constantly being in an atmosphere of love. The good thing about being around the people who truly love you is they make you comfortable enough to break down the walls of your insecurities; they make you feel good about yourself. And if you love them back, then help them out by truly feeling good about yourself, that way they have little or no work to do.

Love yourself by accepting yourself; physical attributes, loving who you truly are by taking interest in yourself, being confident in your relationships and finally by surrounding yourself with love. I love the smell of love.......


Thank you for reading till the end.........like, share and let me know what you think..............

Saturday 9 January 2016

Choices! How to make the right one in the face of uncertainty


There are two kinds of people walking on the surface of the earth, people who must make choices and people who life makes choices for. This article was inspired by a powerful sermon I heard on the 31st of December 2015.
So what is a Choice? According to Wikipedia " A choice involves mentally making a decision: judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one or more of them". Simple life choices may include what to wear, what to have for dinner or what movie to watch before going to bed. More complicated life choices may be which life partner to choose, what profession to pursue in life and all that kind of stuff. Many people see having choices as a good thing, depending on how you look at it, choices are good but faced with many alternatives may lead to confusion. Going back to the two kinds of people I talked about earlier, the first kind of people are those who life already makes their choices easier by offering them little or no choice and this make life less complicated and unfair at the same time because they are limited to a few to choose from. The second kind of people are people who on a regular are faced with alternatives and have to make choices, this choices may be hard if alternatives seem equally attractive. The major problem this kind of people face maybe discomfort in choosing and possibly making the wrong choice. Have you ever wondered why it takes people who have too many clothes a lot of time to find what to wear.....Many alternatives.

So how do you make the right choice from a number of alternatives in the midst of uncertainty....Hmmm! that must be hard. Having to make choices when every thing seems gloomy and blue is not the easiest of things, personally I have been in situations like that and it felt like being in between the devil and the deep blue sea, its even worse if you can't swim. The safest way to make the right choice in the midst of uncertainty is not to choose the most attractive option, you know why because even the attractiveness is uncertain, Remember? At that point nothing is sure so choosing the option with ribbons and ballons on it may not be a smart one. The best way to make the right choice with uncertainty steering back at you is to prioritize, you have to look within and ask yourself what you truly want and what make you happiest amongst all alternatives. When choices are made on the foundation of happiness the risk of discomfort and disappointment is less when things don't go as planned. When you make a choice based on things that are most important to you, you discover that at that point you can beat your chest and damn the consequences of the choice you made. Identifying for sure what's most important to you is not easy as well, because sentiments and emotions may come in the way but at that point you have to listen to your intuition, listen and be courageous to act in trust and in faith, even in the face of that which you fear the most.

So as you make those hard choices this year, listen to your heart, do not debate with your intuitions and make that choice that sets you on a roller coaster of joy, laughter and happiness.

Tuesday 5 January 2016

7 Things For You To Know About The Man God Has For You By Stephan Labossiere






So where is he? When is he coming? and what in the world is taking his behind so
long?...I know that's what you're thinking, and I completely understand how you feel. Waiting for the man God has for you can get annoying, frustrating, and at times feel hopeless. It's not an easy path to walk, but when done right, it is without a doubt going to provide the most benefit. Does God really have a man just for you? Well to be honest, the answer is yes and no. It's "no" in the sense that you are not locked in to get a specific man, no matter what you do. The idea that there is a soul mate who you are guaranteed to be with is simply not true. You have decisions in life you have to make, and plenty of people make choices that block them from being with the person who is truly best for them.
Notice I said "the person who is truly best for them". This is where I believe the term "soul mate" can be applied, and this is where the "yes" comes in when asked the question "does God really have a man just for you?" God knows every person who will walk into your life. He knows who will align with your purpose, and be able to have a successful relationship with you. He will embrace any choice you make, but what you think is a good choice may not be God's choice.
Some of you are familiar with the phrase "wait for your Boaz". For those of you who are not familiar with it, allow me to give a quick explanation. Boaz is a character from the Book of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth was a woman who ultimately received this man as a husband, and many people in the church use this story when speaking to single women hoping to someday receive a great relationship and marriage in their life. So to say "wait for your Boaz" is basically a reference or symbolic of saying wait for the man God has for you. Because when you move forward in obedience, patience, and faith, then you can receive your blessing. So again, the question is, "does God have a man that is just for you?" Well to be technical, if you read the scripture 1 Corinthians 11:9 KJV it states "Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." Basically you were created to be a blessing to a great man who puts God first. Not that this is your only purpose, but in regards to relationships, this is the dynamic. With that said, you have to be able to recognize who is worthy of you as their blessing, and who you truly best fit with. This list will help you with recognizing the qualities that need to be in place before you move forward with that man, and a glimpse into the work you have to put in for him to receive you.

1.    You Will Be Attracted To Him

You know what they say, "God don't like ugly!" Ok, I know that quote isn't referring to looks, but have you ever sat down and thought about what God thinks about the issue of attraction? Do you really think God is expecting you to be with someone you have no physical attraction to? Are you someone who believes "looks don't matter", and that it's only what's on the inside that counts? Everyone is beautiful in their own way and in the eyes of God. However, don't be fooled into thinking God is trying to set you up for a romantic relationship that lacks a physical attraction. The reality is that a physical attraction is what takes a relationship from platonic to romantic. Think about it...Do you know what a relationship without physical attraction is? It's called a friendship, or roommates, or even play cousins, you get the point. When you find two people who get along great and you ask one of them why they aren't trying to be in a relationship with the other, the most popular answer you get is "I'm not attracted to him/her". Attraction is the missing ingredient and God is fully aware of this dynamic. What's on the inside is what truly counts, but that doesn't mean what's on the outside gets completely dismissed. However, let's not confuse "looks" with "attraction". You see, the man God has for you may come in a package you never expected. He may not have the "looks" that you feel you want in a man. He may not be as tall as you dream about, he may have a different build, and a completely different style. The possibilities are wide open, but what he will have is the fact that you are "attracted" to him. Despite what a person's preferences may be, everyone has come across people that fell outside that profile, yet they still found themselves attracted to that person. You shouldn't get so stuck on a certain look, but nobody should expect you to bypass a lack of attraction just for the sake of being with someone who is a "good guy". It's typically a setup for disaster, and that isn't what God wants for you. But wait, looks will fade, so isn't it shallow to embrace superficial desires? NO! Again, looks is one thing, attraction is another. There are plenty of elderly couples who don't look like what they did when they were younger, but do not get it twisted, because they can still be ATTRACTED to their partner. They still have that twinkle in their eye, and they still see beauty when they look at each other. There is a big difference between naturally aging, and letting yourself go. Many who have let themselves go have seen attraction fade, but many who have gracefully aged have not had to struggle the same.
Ultimately God wants to be glorified in all that he blesses you with. The reality is that if He only gave you a good guy that you're not attracted to, then the glory would fall short. Why? Because you wouldn't be as excited and into it. Have you seen a woman who is with a man she isn't attracted to? If you have, then I'm sure you have noticed her lack of energy, excitement, and desire with that man. That is not ideal, and God only wants the best for you. The man God has for you may not come in the package you expected, but he will be able to provide you with exactly what you needed. Which includes love and attraction.

2.    He Will Love & Cherish You, Not Mistreat & Disrespect You

I know what you may be thinking. You're thinking this is an obvious one. Or that this is "common sense". You're thinking women should already know this. Well, common sense isn't always so common, and it's really easy for someone to get blinded when engaged in an unhealthy attachment. You or a friend of yours can find yourself in, or be in a situation like this, but you're not seeing it for what it is. What is obvious disrespect to one person, may be viewed differently by another. What is a blatant lack of love and attention to one person, may simply be exactly what their parents had, so it all seems normal to the person who is in it. One person's perceived reality is not another person's perceived reality, but it all still only has one truth at the end of the day. Everybody makes mistakes, but consistent negative behavior is not a mistake. It is proof of deeper issues that if left unaddressed will go on to wreak havoc in your life. That principle is true of your issues, but in this case we are talking about the men you choose to romantically entertain in your life. If he isn't willing to work on his issues, then he isn't the man for you. If he isn't willing to hear you out and try to embrace how you feel, then he isn't the man for you. If he is abusive verbally and/or physically, then he is not the man for you. Don't look for ways to give a pass to destructive behavior and to ignore the red flags slapping you in the face. You are not here to be any man's verbal, physical, or emotional punching bag.
You are God's child. You are his daughter. A good father only wants the best for his
daughter, and would not ask for you to be with a man who isn't willing to love and cherish you as you deserve. He would want that man to be an extension of him, a man that he knows has only good intentions, and wants to protect your mind, body, and spirit. There is no father greater than God, so you better believe He only wants you to have a great relationship filled with love and positive energy. It's not that He expects perfection, but the man should have a genuine desire to honor God blessing him with you in his life.

3.    You Will Not Have To Make Him Into A Man

God has a man for you, not a boy you have to mold into a man. This idea that you need to grow with a man who has yet to first come into his own, is misguided. Yes you can be the source of inspiration and motivation. Yes you can be loving and supportive. Yes you can pour into him in ways that contribute to his growth. HOWEVER! all of this can be done while you are his FRIEND! Like actual friends, not the acting like you’re his girlfriend, and giving him some booty friends. God didn't call you to be in a relationship with a boy who has yet to become a man.
You run a lot of risks trying to be in a relationship with a man's "potential". In most cases you will find yourself making a huge investment of time and energy, only to end up feeling cheated by the lack of return on your investment. While you think you're building him up, all you're really doing is making things convenient for him. You're providing all of these benefits when he has yet to become qualified for the job. Not only is he not qualified at the moment, but he isn't putting in the extra work, yet you continue to give him all he could ask for. Do you really think this will push him to higher levels, or do you see how someone can easily become content and complacent in this position? Forget him for a second, let's talk about you. While you're so busy trying to "build a man", you're not pouring enough into yourself. You're so consumed by this guy, that you have forgotten about the things God wants you to focus on in your life. You may be a great woman, but there is still work for you to do while becoming and continuing to be the woman God wants you to be. It's not your responsibility to make a boy into a man, unless that boy is your own child. You were not made to be anyone's crutch, you were designed to be a man's partner and helper. This brings me to the next thing you should know...

4.    He Is Looking For A Helpmate, Not A Playmate

Boys always want to play and men are always ready to work. Boys look for playmates, and men desire a helpmate. Do you see where I'm going with this? The man God has for you is looking for something more than someone to play with. He isn't about all the games and child's play. He is a much more focused individual who has a grasp of what he wants to accomplish in his life and in a relationship. Lies, unwillingness to commit, disrespect, and other negative behaviors are not signs of a man who is serious about you. They are signs of a man who is only looking to play with you. You may be thinking, "maybe he isn't ready to commit now, but if I stay in his life long enough then when he's ready he'll pick me to be with". You see, now he isn't playing you, you're just playing yourself. Sure it's possible, but how many women have you seen try this only to end up empty handed or watch him go be with another woman? Don't worry I'll answer that for you...to dang many, that's how much! It's a flawed approach, and you should not consider it going forward. If you don't want to end up being a man's playmate then you shouldn't play games either.
A man that is God approved to be with you is a man who is trying to work with you. He has built himself up to this point, but now he wants to build greater things with you. The last thing he is trying to do is play you, and he is only interested in making you feel more secure about being with him. The boys will bring you confusion and chaos. The men desire to provide you with clarity and peace. So if necessary, go make yourself a sign that reads, "No boys, no games, just men." Make sure you adhere to it.

5.    You Will Experience A Genuine Connection With Him

In life you're going to come across a lot of men who catch your eye. You're going to meet and talk to several guys you like. You may even have a few situations where you think you love this man. However, you're not going to experience a deep and genuine connection with all of them. To be honest, a lot of people don't experience a special connection with more than one person; however there are some exceptions to that rule. One way or another, having a genuine connection is a special experience. It doesn't happen with most people. Which is why a special connection is a strong indicator of a man being the one God has for you. There was a 32 year old woman named Michelle who reached her breaking point. She was frustrated with her lack of a relationship, and with feeling all of the guys she met were only after sex. She was ready to swear off dating and relationships, and to simply focus on her career. Before she took that step, she decided to pray one last time and ask God to finally bless her with the man for her. She felt she was a good woman and deserved to receive a good man. Two days later she happened to go to a networking event. While she was there she met a handsome, well put together man. He was exactly her style at about 6'1, strong frame, and a very nice smile. They spoke at the event and got along very well. It lead to exchanging numbers and her going home a very happy woman. She was excited and praised God. She felt this just might be "the one".
Well, time progressed. They went from dating to being in a relationship. During this time she spoke to me about her situation and the potential for it to turn into marriage. I was happy for her, but couldn't help but pick up on the vibe that something wasn't right. I asked her more questions about their relationship. It became clear that though they got along, they didn't really have a genuine and deep connection. They both like what each other brought to the table, but that doesn't mean they truly enjoy sitting and eating at the table together. Think about what I just said. They like all the hype and surface benefits of this relationship. However, take that away, and there isn't much else going on here.
To make a long story short, this relationship eventually failed, and never made it to marriage (thank God). He was not the man God had for her. The proof was in their lack of a genuine connection. Without it a relationship will not have long term success. Without it, you can be assured this is not the man for you. To have a connection, it's like two spirits recognizing its counterpart. It isn't driven by what you see on the surface or what you break down logically in your mind. It will be born from within. It will occur naturally. This is what God has waiting for you. This is something to be mindful of when determining which man to embrace in your life.

6.    He Will Love God

There is no perfect man; therefore, there is no perfect man of God. Many may try to present themselves as such, but everyone has their flaws. The reality is God isn't telling you the man he has for you will get it all right, but he will be a man who strives for better. Why? Because he will love God, which in turn will equip him with a great foundation to be able to truly love you. There is no point in God giving you a man who has no desire to put Him first. That would already show his priorities aren't in order, and it will throw off the entire relationship. He may know who God is, he may be able to quote scripture, or even claim God told him you're his wife. However, if his actions do not show a man with his heart in God, then he isn't the man or isn't ready to be the man to be given the honor of holding on to your heart.
He may be in the church, but that doesn't mean he truly has a relationship with God.
Again, it isn't about him being perfect because he will certainly have his flaws. However, there is a difference between a man who loves God but struggles with his flesh versus a man who loves his flesh and struggles with embracing God. One can acknowledge he has weaknesses and humble himself in understanding that he needs to do better. The other will try to validate and excuse his flaws while dismissing the need for any correction. "By their fruit you will recognize them" ~ Matthew 7:16. Not simply the words he speaks.
There are men who can scream Hallelujah, but only have intentions to bring you hell. You may be thinking, "Well what if he just isn't there yet? Maybe I'm supposed to help him get to God?" True, but that can be accomplished as a friend, not while giving him girlfriend/wife benefits. It isn't your job to "save him" through a romantic relationship. God loves you, and he hasn't called you to take on that responsibility in that way. Trust that the process must be handled differently, and that God wouldn't want you to take that next step until this man loves Him enough to be trusted with handling the blessing of being with you.

7.    He Will Want All Of Your Love, Not Just A Piece Of It

A whole man wants a whole woman. Let that marinate for a second.... matter of fact let me repeat that for you. A whole man wants a whole woman. You desire a man that is well rounded and well put together, so what do you think he wants? You want a man who can be open, honest, and give you all of his love. Well what do you think he will want? You would love to have a man who doesn't come with a heap load of baggage and issues that will only have a negative impact on a relationship. Well have you checked your bags at the door?
There is a piece of advice that you may have heard before. It says that you should find a man who loves you more than you love him. If you agree with this piece of advice, then I want you to sincerely know that you have lost your ever-loving mind. Ok, maybe that's too harsh, but you have certainly been misled and bamboozled. This is some of the worst advice ever told (no shade to those who have given it). Again, a whole man wants a whole woman. The only reason you would be looking for someone who loves you more is because you are still damaged from the one who hurt you. The only way you could even attempt to quantify that someone loves you more than you love them, is if you're not truly in love with them at all. So you see, all of this would mean you were not a whole woman, and you would simply be trying to entertain an incomplete relationship.
So again I ask, have you checked your bags at the door? The man God has for you wants every bit of you. He wants to give you his all, and wants the same in return. You say you want that kind of love, but are you truly, and I mean truly, prepared to give it? Are you asking "God Where Is My Boaz?" but in reality love scares you, and "Boaz" can't save you. You may have your walls up so high, that you wouldn't be able to see the man God has for you when he comes into your life. You may be thinking that you will bring those walls down when that man finally comes. Well read this carefully; No man can heal you, no man can make you whole. You complete yourself first, and then you will be able to bring and embrace that whole man into your life. Now I need to tell you something, and this is very important for you to understand. All of these things I mentioned are needed for you to move forward with a man and have a long lasting, fulfilling, and amazing relationship. However, this does not mean that you may not meet this man or become aware of him before he has truly grown into his position of being with you. You could come across a scenario where it's the right person, but the wrong time. You both could need more time for growth, and God knows when it would be best for you to move forward. This is why it is so important to pray, and ask God before you try to make things happen with any man. You don't need to date his potential, and you don't need to be with him with the belief that he will eventually become the man you need. You seek God's guidance, and you take His directions on how to proceed. This will save you a lot of headaches, and set you up nicely for great success.
What God has for you is something Amazing, but that doesn't mean the path to receiving your blessing is going to be an easy one. There is work you have to put in, and that work starts with you. Yes, you are a great woman as you are, but that doesn't mean there aren't steps that still need to be taken on your end. There are many things to discuss here, and I highly recommend you get your copy of the bestselling book "God Where Is My Boaz" to gain more insight on what may be hindering your progress. So that you can start to truly prepare and position yourself for the amazing life and relationship God wants you to experience.

Source: www.stephanspeaks.com